Monday, March 19, 2012

Dealing with Self Image

One of the most difficult things I've dealt with recently hasn't been a trip up the Watershed, or my knee bothering me, or even being hungry all the time:  it's been my self image.  For the majority of my life, and all of my adult life, I've been a large individual.  Even at my "game weight" when I was a kid playing baseball, I was considered large.  Even when I could run the bases faster than almost anyone else on the field, when I could make the plays and put my heart into it, I was "large".  Thus is my body type, and some of my self image issue. I've always seen myself as large, so how can I deal with the idea that I could be skinny.

Fast forward to last Thursday.  I took a ride to the top of the Greenville County Watershed, on a road that leads from Tigerville, SC to Saluda, NC.  We only went as far as the state line before we turned around, but it was a fantastic trip.  At the top my friend John took a few pictures of my "triumph".   One of the shots he took really make me take a step back and re-evaluate what my self image should be.

I've posted the other pictures in various places, but this one really speaks volumes to me.  In this picture I'm not "bulky", and you can tell that the jersey I'm wearing is a few sizes too big.  To me it shows the level of commitment and effort that I have put into this Journey over the course of 1,000+ miles and countless hours on the bike.  I don't look "fat" or "large", but I look like a work in progress that is starting to take shape.  I know that I still have 20+ lbs on my belly that need work.  I know that I'm not "in shape" yet.  I know that I have muscle and endurance to build.

But I also know now that I'm not always going to be "large".  I can be "Brian".

1 comment:

joel f said...

I have to say, AMAZING! The jersey really amps up the dramatic morph that has begun. I know john sees the changes as well being able to ride with you more often. We all have some type of self image issue. But you are doing what some won't do. That is take it head on and not let defeat your will to succeed. I am glad to call you friend, and pray for your continued success