Lent Day 22 (Thursday)

Exercise: Morning - Climbed the stairs at work (approximately 17 floors).  Afternoon- 29 mile bike ride on the swamp rabbit (including Paris Mountain).

Verse:
Psalm 118:24

New King James Version (NKJV)

²⁴ This is the day the Lord has made;
We will rejoice and be glad in it.

Thoughts: Today was a perfect day to get out and ride.  Sunny and cool enough to not get too warm but warm enough that I didn't need to be wearing a bunch of extra stuff just to get out and ride.  There were more people on the Swamp Rabbit Trail today than there has been, but that has to be expected.  It's great seeing folks using a trail system for all levels of activity.  One of the things I thought about was, strange enough, shoes.  Last summer I replaced the original shoes I had bought a year before for some "name brand" shoes.  I say it this way because if I geek out and said I spent money on Sidi's few folks would understand that it means I bought some rather expensive shoes.  I had convinced myself last year that I was tired of my old ones and that I had beat them up enough in 1 year of riding that I really needed new shoes.  That said, I found my new pair on closeout, and the price was incredible versus retail, but I was already on the prowl for new shoes before I got this particular pair.  Was it really a need, or more of a want?  I come around to this because last week I dusted off my original shoes and got them prepped to be used again as "bad weather" shoes during the cycling season.  This way if there is good chance of wet or muddy conditions, I don't get my expensive shoes wet (or muddy).  I've worn them a couple of times to make sure that the cleats are adjusted right, and that they are going to be okay for the purpose that I have them, and it made me realize that I really like having two pairs of shoes for any given activity.  It's not that it's really necessary  I can and have gotten by with just one pair of shoes, but having the choice is comforting, as well as knowing that if something should happen to one pair I'm not off the bike until I can figure out what I'm going to do.  At some point one my current "bad weather" shoes are going to break, at which time I'll have to decide if I want new good shoes (retiring the Sidi's to bad weather shoes) or to replace the bad weather shoes directly. 

I guess this is just a long windy way of saying that having the items prepared for situations that will make you stumble is a good thing, as long as it is manageable.  There is always the "too much of a good thing" issue to deal with as well.

Lent Day 21 (Wednesday)

Exercise:  None (Weather).  Three days of bad weather is kind of a bummer to me.  It's unusual for me to not get on the bike during a 3 day stretch all that often, but honestly at this point I'm tired of cold.  It's hard for me to fathom thinking that, as for the last 38 years I have not had a day where I've said "you know, I'm really done with being cold at this point", usually because I know summer and hot are around the bend.  But cold (and especially cold, windy and wet) really  mean I can't get on the bike at all.  Warmer days are ahead, so right now I'll just be patient.  I did manage to take the stairs a couple of times between floors in the building, but I missed out on actually walking up and down today.  

Verse:

Mark 10:26-27

New King James Version (NKJV)

²⁶ And they were greatly astonished, saying among themselves, “Who then can be saved?”
²⁷ But Jesus looked at them and said, “With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible.”

Thoughts: Today was a low stress day at work.  I had a lot of deep design work that I had to get done, along with some back to back meetings, but the general stress of situations just wasn't as prevelent as some days.  I'm happy for days that I can manage my energy, stress, and expectations in such a way that I can be comfortable with what I accomplished.  Too often I work myself up to be tired at the end of the day, to the point that it's I think I've made it an expected response too often.  Hopefully I can remember more often that God didn't make me to be a tired and upset individual, but rather to be someone that glows with his Spirit.

Lent Day 20 (Tuesday)

Exercise: None (weather). The weather was just meh today. Wet, colder than average. Not a day to be outside exercising. Beyond that I was definitely drained throughout the day again. 

 Verse: 

Isaiah 25:1

New King James Version (NKJV)

Praise to God

25 O Lord, You are my God.
I will exalt You,
I will praise Your name,
For You have done wonderful things;
Your counsels of old are faithfulness and truth.

 Thoughts: So I've reached the halfway point on of my posts slightly before the halfway point in Lent.  So far this has been a journey that I'm glad I'm doing this year, and one that I hope to continue.  I think that by writing about how I'm feeling on a day or on a subject I can focus on it and help to understand and move through it.  Most of the time I don't have all the answers, but honestly the answers aren't mine to know.  If I'm willing to trust in God and let him guide my life, then I have the answers that I require.  HE provides for what I need, where when I'm in "control" all I have is what I want.  I hope to start improving the number of "rest" days as the month continues, as the weather should improve.  I need to find ways to motivate and energize myself to try to do different things than just the bike, though.  The weather tomorrow looks to be improving, but not really a "bike ride" kind of day with the wind and temperatures.  I may challenge myself to take a trip up and down the stairs in my building (no small task, since I work on the 20th floor) in the afternoon as a "pick me up".  We'll see how that goes.

Lent Day 19 (Monday)

Exercise: None (weather).  I brought my cycling gear today, but I didn't bring everything that I actually needed to ride.  The weather was supposed to be 55 out, but it even without a wind I was chilled before I changed into my cycling clothes.  I had a base layer, but not colder weather gear with me.  

Verse:

Deuteronomy 6:6-7

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁶ “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. ⁷ You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

Thoughts:  I've come to realize over time that everything costs energy to me.  Not everything costs me the same amount of energy, and things cost different amounts of energy depending on different factors.  In fact, just saying "everything costs me energy" is probably the only thing simple in the equation.  For example - the simple task of getting 5 humans coordinated, dressed, and out the door to the store to me is often times a massive undertaking.  Especially when going to Costco to redeem our rewards coupon isn't really what I want to be doing, but I know it needs to be done.  So while I may have grand plans for doing additional things, by the time we are simply parked and have gotten into the front area, my energy level is to "can we just go home now?"  Even tasks I love have a cost that I cannot always quantitatively establish.  Spending time on the bike, or on the computer, or just watching TV, all have an energy cost to me that I have to deal with.  There are certain things that I will myself to expend energy on because it's expected/demanded, like work.  I like my work, and I like where I work and who I work for.  I like the tasks that I have put before me most days.  That doesn't mean that I always have the available energy for all of the complex interactions and requirements that I wish I did at any given time.  Sometimes I just "dig a little deeper" and get through it, but it always comes at a price to me personally over time.  At some point I have to recharge, and finding the best outlet for that can be challenging as well.

The hardest part is attempting to explain how my psyche handles situations, though.  Often times it seems like everyone else uses a different system for managing themselves than I do, and taking the time to explain it costs me more energy than just muddling through.  I'm not sure if it's because you cannot see energy expended, much like you cannot truly tell the level of effort that another athlete is putting out until they are exhausted, or if it truly is that others do not deal with the limited emotional/mental energy levels that I do.  I know I'm not alone with how I feel, but too often it feels "abnormal".

Lent Day 18 (Sunday)

Exercise: Cycling 31 miles.  Sunday typically means the Brookwood Cycling group ride.  Today was a chilly day, but I had a real good time.  After a disappointing Saturday, having a good ride with a lot of good friends was refreshing.

Verse:

Isaiah 55:7-9

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁷ Let the wicked forsake his way,
And the unrighteous man his thoughts;
Let him return to the Lord,
And He will have mercy on him;
And to our God,
For He will abundantly pardon.

⁸ “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
⁹ “For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.

Thoughts:  Today I started to work on another project that I had let sit around since the move:  my Astromech.  I had made a lot of excuses for not working on it in so long, but the root of it was fear.  I managed to build something that I was really proud of, but to move forward meant I had to first take it back apart and risk making it look worse.  This project is excessively outside of my comfort zone, so it's always been a challenge to make this droid a reality.  I haven't been a patient person in general, and model building has never been my strong suit.  Thus just getting it standing was a major accomplishment, but now I have to skin the parts and start working on the electronics and details.  Detail work can be arduous, and the electronics is going to require a fair amount of dexterity that I haven't practiced on (like soldering).  What I don't want to do is let the fear of making mistakes consume me, or drive me from attempting to complete the project.  She may never look "screen accurate", but I look forward to the day when Arfour is moving around via remote control.  

Lent Day 17 (Saturday)

Exercise: None (weather). When the training ride was canceled, I originally had planned to do the morning shop ride. When I woke up the weather forecast stated a 40% chance of snow/rain mix, so I thought better of going out. Within an hour there was a wet, icy mixture falling. It definitely didn't help my overall mood for the day, but I would rather not go out on a ride one day than get sick or injured. 

Verse:

Mark 7:15-16

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁵ There is nothing that enters a man from outside which can defile him; but the things which come out of him, those are the things that defile a man. ¹⁶ If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear!”^[a]

Thoughts: Days like today are very challenging for my personality.  When I'm faced with not being able to do what I've steeled myself to do, typically I can go into a pretty heavy psychological nosedive.  This usually leads to an emotional decision that I would not typically make otherwise, either as a purchase or in nutrition.  Trying to navigate these feelings without making unwise decisions is always difficult.  I can't say I was perfect today, but I think I did pretty well all things considered.  The weather forecast looks promising for tomorrow, so a good solid ride should be in the plans.  I look forward to getting out and riding to help brighten my mood up some.

Lent Day 16 (Friday)

Exercise: Walking at lunch. Ended up walking around 2 miles to the bike shop downtown from the office at lunchtime. 

 Verse: 

Job 23:10-11

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁰ But he knows the way that I take;
    when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
¹¹ My feet have closely followed his steps;
    I have kept to his way without turning aside.

Thoughts:  Today was dealing with a bit of frustration and disappointment.  I spent the week getting myself prepared, and even excited, for the Mitchell training ride that was supposed to be on Saturday.  The weather didn't look good, but I wasn't going to back down from it, but rather embrace the difficulty and put it as part of the epic nature.  60 mile rides with 5k vertical are not something new to me in general, but the focus of the training ride would have been.  Then the email came out today that the weather was looking worse and that the training ride was off.  I have to decide if the weather is going to hold long enough in the morning to brave the local shop ride, or if a Saturday ride is just out of the question.