Exercise: None (Rest/Weather). Wednesdays are one of the days that this summer I'm expecting that I'll use as personal training time. Pick a route, go out and work on my form or just get base exercise/miles in. That said, the weather is still below average right now, and after 3 months of cold enough weather, having to layer up and deal with being cold on the bike isn't making getting on the road very easy.
Verse:
Mark 13:3-8
New King James Version (NKJV)
The Signs of the Times and the End of the Age
3 Now as He sat on the Mount of Olives opposite the temple, Peter, James, John, and Andrew asked Him privately, 4 “Tell us, when will these things be? And what will be the sign when all these things will be fulfilled?”
5 And Jesus, answering them, began to say: “Take heed that no one deceives you. 6 For many will come in My name, saying, ‘I am He,’ and will deceive many. 7 But when you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be troubled; for such things must happen, but the end is not yet. 8 For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be earthquakes in various places, and there will be famines and troubles.[a] These are the beginnings of sorrows.
Thoughts: There was a time when I would look at a rant, or a flame war, and believe that I could "win". That I could somehow be so methodical, so fluent in my thoughts and my wordsmithing, that I would "teach someone" a lesson. What I've learned, primarly the hard way, is that there are no winners in these contests. They are a contest of pure will, and much like a peacock presents his plumage to show is dominance publicly, these displays are nothing more than a visual show for the author's own benefit. In the end all parties involved walk away believing "I showed them, and maybe I opened up their eyes to the 'truth'." Neither side is actually interested in knowing the real truth, they believe they already know it. Facts no longer matter, because the views are already established. In the end, the reality is that it's just a train wreck for others to feast upon, set on the stage of public opinion.
I can't say that I don't delve into these issues anymore. I attempt to know better, and to stay away from them. They "disturb my calm", to butcher quote a character from the TV Show Firefly. They do not add any real positive to my day, and they do not help me to be more productive to anyone that I have to interact with on a regular basis.
This begs the question of "why should I even interact with these people at all?" This is a sticky question for me, and I do ponder this every so often. The reality is that I am not called to only be around like minded people. I am called to bear witness, and to testify to the Truth. That isn't to say that I'm going to start preaching on the streets of Greenville. What it means is that there will be times in my life where the situation will be presented to me where I'm expected to use my talents to help another person with their struggles by sharing the Gospel. It may be received, it may not be. I cannot force someone to be saved, free will allows them to chose their own path, destructive as it may be. I am likewise not called to judge them, or to mock them. If I actively drive them away, not only am I not following my calling, but I may be forcing them to stumble by not being where I'm supposed to be.
Does this mean I need to be surrounded by people that are actively attacking my belief system in the name of "equality", looking to judge me by my faith? I don't believe that this is the case. People will enter and exit my life at God's chosing. I have to be humble and aware of what His calling is for those interactions, and prepared to do his will at those intersections. Whether it's in times to be quiet, times to speak out, or times to be there because they are in need. I just need to remember that when I speak out, I do not just speak out with my own voice, but those that are not saved are hearing me as a representative of Christ. My words, and my actions, are thereby held to a different standard than someone that is following the laws of Man. I cannot believe that engaging in any level of flame war furthers the Kingdom of God. I am called to love that person, and know that Sin is the enemy, not my neighbor. It's not an easy calling, and I can say with impunity that I am not an expert in walking this path. But it's a path that I should be focused on following.
Exercise: Cycling 26 miles. It was cold out (my feet are still cold now!), but it felt good to be out there.
Verse:
Joshua 23:9-13New International Version (NIV)9 “The Lord has driven out before you great and powerful nations; to this day no one has been able to withstand you. 10 One of you routs a thousand, because the Lord your God fights for you, just as he promised. 11 So be very careful to love the Lord your God.
12 “But if you turn away and ally yourselves with the survivors of these nations that remain among you and if you intermarry with them and associate with them, 13 then you may be sure that the Lord your God will no longer drive out these nations before you. Instead, they will become snares and traps for you, whips on your backs and thorns in your eyes, until you perish from this good land, which the Lord your God has given you.
Thoughts: It felt great to get back on the bike today. It was cold out (high around 50), and a bit windy, but it wasn't wet. This is the last Tuesday before the weekly rides start up in earnest, so getting another run in beforehand was nice. What I enjoyed is that I felt like no matter what group went by us, I could decide to hang on if I wanted to. We caught up with a few groups, but I would let them go because the pace wasn't what everyone I was with could handle. Just knowing that the effort I put in during the late fall and winter is paying off felt good.
During the ride I had another chance to be reminded that I need to be careful and aware of how I act and how that impacts others. In general I do okay in groups while on the bike, but some of that depends on the others around me. As we were going through the country loop, this one rather large group of cyclists passed us, and we decided to hop on the back and just ride for a bit, seeing where they went. It was a pretty fast paced group, and it was rather loosely held together. We tried to mostly stay in the back, but on some of the rollers folks were falling off the back and generally not staying with the pack very well. It was also obvious that not everyone in that pack was "with the group" (like we were not). The country loop is a pretty well established (and marked) route, and most groups that run out there follow the same path for safety and familiarity reasons. During the non-official rides this can definitely vary.
We got to a stop sign, and whoever the primary group of riders was decided that they were turning off the established route. This left me, while being almost in the vary back, with a choice: stay with the main pack, or stay on the established route. The other person I was riding with, along with several others, split off from the pack, following the established route. This all of the sudden made the decision not "do I stay with the pack", but rather "how do I leave the pack". I tried to make sure my path was clear, and stay on the established route. The problem was that I didn't notice that there were a few folks from the pack still behind me. Luckily there was space and we didn't get into an incident, but my actions left me in a bad situation.
- I had joined up with a mass of cyclists where I didn't know where they were going.
- I wasn't prepared to be a part of their "hive mind", and they decided to go off the established route at a point where I was not prepared to act.
- I was not in a position in the group where I could safely leave the pack.
- I left anyway.
These are not situations I normally get into, because I generally don't get that flustered while in a random pack of cyclists (nor do I find myself in a random pack of cyclists outside of established events). That said, I need to make sure that the next time I'm in the middle of a group of cyclists I already know what I need to do to act, and make sure that I'm handling myself in a consistent and safe manner.
Exercise: None (weather). I could have probably gotten out for a basic ride yesterday, but I just didn't have it in me to push for it. When the wind is over 20mph, seldom will I jump up and down to go out and ride.
Verse:
Philippians 1:27-30New King James Version (NKJV)Striving and Suffering for Christ
27 Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of your affairs, that you stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel, 28 and not in any way terrified by your adversaries, which is to them a proof of perdition, but to you of salvation,[a] and that from God. 29 For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, 30 having the same conflict which you saw in me and now hear is in me.
Thoughts: I find that way too often I let myself get into an altered frame of mind which really does not help my overall condition. It's something that I've thought about a bunch internally, but it's hard to deal with outside of a looking back at it. Honestly I feel like it's a cycle similar to eating when you are depressed. You get depressed, then you overeat trying to "feel better", then you are depressed because you ate too much. I've been actively dealing with the eating cycle this spring, and I can feel the battle inside of me on a regular basis. What it also does is sets me up for dealing with other emotional issues that are harder to see until after they happen. I have no idea if this is "normal" or not, but once I get upset it takes a fair amount of calm for me to return to my base state mentally. It's one of the reasons I attempt to not watch too much news or read too many of those "you should get really angry at.." images on social media. Yeah, clubbing baby seals makes me upset. What it shouldn't do is mar my personal interactions with folks that aren't actively attempting to club baby seals every day. It's an interaction I've seen with my kids, both in me and in them. Keeping an even keel can take a lot of effort, especially when I'm already attempting to handle extra pressure, be it internal or external.
The difference from the idea of the emotional eating issue is that with emotional eating the person you hurt the most is yourself, at least initially. When it's your social interactions, especially in a job that deals directly with your actions to others, the damage is initially external and the ramifications can be long lasting. Personally I try to refrain from sending out too many emails or instant messages when I know that I'm already not handling things well. I'm already actively working on managing my social media "self" to not be impulsive, and keep a handle on how I portray myself publicly in those forums. Techcrunch had an article recently about how what you say online can be devastating both for yourself and for others. These are hard lessons to learn, and too often one mis-step can be disastrous for weeks afterwards. Personally I struggle more with face to face interactions than I do with text interactions. At least with text I can read what I'm writing and rethink/edit it. I can type it all the way out and then delete it if I come to my senses in time. I have time to make sure that I'm representing myself properly, and honoring the other person the way I know I should. With face to face conversations, my own self betrays me. My emotions can too easily not be kept in check, and my demeanor and physical reaction tell a tale. Much of this becomes things you cannot "control" off the cuff, and even my best attempts to stay in front of it can be challenging. Even going over conversations in my head to make sure I'm mentally prepared is difficult (and yes, if I'm really stressed I'll go over how I think a conversation will go before I have it - it seldom is accurate).
In the end, the best I can do is be myself and do my best to honor God in all that I do. That said, emotional bad behavior seldom bears good fruit. I just have to be aware of it and work on improving daily.
Exercise: Rest (planned). With a proposed 75 mile training ride on Saturday, I have planned to take today and Friday off in preparation. The weather is looking iffy at best for the ride Saturday which may mean a less than optimal ride total for the week, though.
Verse:
Psalm 139:13-15
New King James Version (NKJV)
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[a]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Thoughts: With another big training ride coming up, my thoughts are definitely on that. The big challenge that I have in front of me is dealing with fueling needs. I have done several ~60 mile rides, and a few 70+ mile rides. How I fuel my body for these definitely determines the outcome. If you wanted to take the metaphor into the realm of cars it's knowing how much fuel to add when to keep the engine running for 5+ hours. Unfortunately, that's where the metaphor stops being relevant. Our bodies are so much more wonderfully made than any engine crafted by man. The type of fuel, and how our bodies digest it and deliver it to the muscles, is so complex. Just looking at the specialty food line at any sports store is a great indication of the confusion: I was at REI last night, and they have a huge lineup of all different types of gels, gummies, tablets and powders to help fuel you on an endurance event. There are enough different types of bars with all sorts of ingredients, and that's not even taking into account natural foods like bananas and raisins.
There are times that I wish that there was a simple formula for how to fuel my body so I could stay lean and have the nutrition that I need without all of the variables. It's extremely challenging to figure out how much of what to eat of this type of macronutrient . My overly controlling OCD side wants to figure it all out and have a plan, knowing that if I plan it out ahead of time that I don't have to think so hard about it when it's time to eat. The problem is that the planning can be daunting, and there are times when you just want to go out and have a big juicy cheeseburger, or a plate of wings (even when you know it's totally off your nutritional plan). There in comes the kicker with any simple plan for a complex solution. While keeping it stupidly simple works for creations of man, I believe it's because man's grasp on otherworldly things is likewise simple. When we keep it simple our brains can manage it. God on the other hand is complex and wonderful, well beyond our comprehension. His creations can be complex and wonderfully made, adaptable and sustainable. They are able to just "be", and work as intended.
So maybe having a complex meal plan that is able to handle the wing bar every so often isn't such a bad thing.
Exercsise: Cycling 32 miles. Since Daylight Saving Time started, Tuesdays is the defacto big ride day in town. Folks will start showing up on Tuesday at the old Donaldson Center Airport (now known as SC-TAC) and rides will go out 32 miles or so. The official rides do not start until next month, but many of us are going out there now and getting in the ride early. It was a windy ride out there, and we weren't in a big group, but we still had a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to the official rides to start.
Verse:
Galatians 5:22-23
New King James Version (NKJV)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.
Thoughts: Today was an interesting sequence of events that I can only relate as being from God. The back story to today is that I've been really desiring new wheels for the bike for months now. And by months, I mean since around October. Instead of just going out and spending money I don't have, I've been attempting to keep my cycling to a budget, however. I've been putting a little bit away into a savings account every paycheck, and using that for my cycling expenses. The issue has been that as my cycling habit has increased, so has the costs to keep it going. The fact that I've had to replace my cycling clothes twice in the past year doesn't help, and cycling clothes aren't cheap (that plus baggy spandex isn't comfortable on rides).
Fast Forward to last Thursday - the local bike shop has merged with a larger corporation, and they have been running a huge clearance sale on all of the back stock of bikes as a promotion. It started up more questioning on affording bike upgrades between my wife and I, but we decided that we would pray on it and see if they get more bikes in. If they did, and what they got in would be a good long term upgrade for me, then we'd try to afford getting it and then we'd use my current bike for her or our oldest. Neither of them are all that interested in riding a road bike at this point, but it would be available to use. I started really praying over if it was a good move, as it would be a cost we really didn't need, and really the only major upgrade I currently need on my current bike is wheels. For a lot less I could get wheels I really wanted and buy or build a hybrid bike for Christy to use so we could all ride.
Monday after work I stopped by the bike shop and talked to the owner for a few minutes, and poked around. He told me that even though he had been hopeful that more bikes would come in, the supply of 2012 bikes was exhausted and they were done with the promotion. This wasn't a real big shock to me, and unless a completely unbeatable offer was going to be available with major component upgrades I had already decided it wasn't worth jumping at a new bike, but I should focus on wheels. I already knew that I wanted Boyd wheels, which are assembled here locally, I just wasn't sure which of the two tiers of aluminum wheels would be the better of the two. The lower tier would probably work, but I wasn't sure if the upper tier wouldn't be more of what I wanted. Again I prayed over it and let it not consume me, and I had rationalized that if I could fit the base tier into the budget with the sale of some of my Star Wars stuff that I had intended to sell anyway.
This morning I was checking my personal email, and I had an invite from someone to connect on LinkedIN. I typically screen this connection list to only be folks that I really want to be connected to, as I use it mostly for networking in my professional life. I went into LinkedIN and verified the person, I didn't recognize her last name right off hand because I only really knew her by her married name when we worked together. I approved the request and checked my inbox (which I rarely do on LinkedIN). In there was a message from late last year from a friend of mine that was looking for a referral to the company I work for now. I didn't remember hearing if he got the job or not, so I went on the internal job postings and saw that several positions that he would have applied for were still open, so I shot him a message to see if he was still looking or if he had landed somewhere else. Come to find out he had gotten the job at the company, and used me as a referral so I'd get the bonus. I did some checking on the procedure and contacted the person in HR that handles the requests, and lo and behold I was supposed to be credited for the referral, and I'll get the bonus sometime next month. And that bonus will cover the difference in price between the base level and the higher end wheels!
Through all of this, all I could feel was that there was a plan in play since October for all of this. Me trying to hold to a budget, working through the needs, not just doing whatever I felt was right, and working in harmony with my wife on the household needs. The move up here has been challenging in so many ways, and so much of what we thought would not be a big change has turned into massive changes for us to handle. We're still not in a church home, but I know that we put the effort in to walk with Christ daily, and do the best we can to stay faithful. We're not always perfect, for me often it's far from it. What we are is forgiven, and loved. As long as we can keep sight on that, we can see the blessings that we get as such and not think too highly of our own abilities and try to be faithful with all of our gifts.
Exercise: Cycling 35 miles. This was the normal Brookwood Cycling ride. I really do like going on this ride, because of the people that are a part of it. It was really windy out today, but the weather really did welcome Spring in a little early. Soon we'll get past the cool Spring days and be back to the heat of Summer. From a cycling perspective I will welcome the warmer weather while hating dealing with the sunscreen and the excessive amounts of sweat. Then by about August I'll be ready for the weather to change again.
Verse:
Psalm 23:1-3
New King James Version (NKJV)
The Lord the Shepherd of His People
A Psalm of David.
23 The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Thoughts: It's amazing how the little things really make a difference some days. Sometimes it can be the little things that get you frustrated, like running out of milk when you really just want to have a bowl of cereal. Other times, the little things remind you of just how much you are blessed with. In the last two years so many big things have happened in my life, and the life of my family, that it's amazing some of the little reminders are really the most powerful. In March of 2011 we were still in Florida, I knew that things had to change, and we were trusting in God that his will would be done. In the next 6 months we'd be apart for a while, I'd be starting a new job, and we were preparing for a move 600 miles from the only home that my girls ever knew. We are in a new home, we have met new people, and we've had new experiences. Through my time with Rob's Big Losers I found fitness, I've found cycling, and I've manged to be able to ride almost as often as I'd like to. I wouldn't have fathomed saying that I was signed up for the Assault on Mount Mitchell 2 years ago.
That said, the little things remind me of how much I'm blessed. Last Spring I went on a ride hosted by the GHS Every Women's team. I had been on group rides prior to this, but this was definitely a bigger ride for me. On the way out I managed to not keep my line, but instead of being crazy and hurting others I ended up crashing into some bushes. I was okay, outside of some scrapes that needed a bandage or two, and the bike was okay after a few minor repairs. I finished that ride, and then later for the little thing that reminds me of how much I'm blessed. Buried in the heel of my cycling shoe was a splinter of wood. It was big enough to actually damage the shoe slightly, but the shoe is what took the damage. That piece of wood could have found it's way just inches higher and been wedged in my leg. It could have meant an end to so many other things in our lives, but instead it ended up in the heel of my shoe. I've kept it there as a reminder of how blessed I was that and every other day for the gifts that I've been given. I know that the opportunities that I enjoy today aren't by my own doing as much as by my faith in God. I don't always manage to honor Him with my actions, but I know that I'm loved, forgiven, and saved. I just do my best to show his love in the little things, not just in grand shows that everyone can see. Because sometimes the little things have the biggest impact.
