Making me "FIT"

When I originally thought about this title, it was with the thought of talking about the "fit" on my bike, including my clothes.  What I realized as I started writing, though, is that my "fit" has much to do with my "FIT"ness, and the obvious double entendre was plain as day.   Which brought my thoughts down a completely different path.  So far this week, I've managed to get out on three rides:  Sunday I rode by myself, Tuesday was another warm up for the SCTAC season, and Wednesday was a recovery/fit ride.   I say "fit ride" in the sense that I had to adjust my saddle height yet again, since on Tuesday night my knee was extremely sore about halfway through the route.  This time, however, it wasn't in the spot where I know I have some patellar tendinitis, but rather higher up on the knee, near where the knee meets the quad.

Thus last night I went out and brought the saddle up again, this time an additional 1/4 of an inch or so (maybe closer to a 1/2 inch total).  I still have a few measurements and adjustments to do (as well as a few rides) to make sure I have the height set correctly, but with no noticeable pain after a 20 mile ride up the Swamp Rabbit trail, I think I'm pretty close.  That said, I have a new issue:  Neck/Shoulder pain.  It's not really that new, but after the trip last night my shoulders HURT.  I typically call that my back, but back implies the lower back.  This is up near the shoulder blades.  Before this pain was closer to my neck, and just getting some good stretches helped out immensely.  Now, I'm pretty sure this is saddle distance from the bars, especially when I'm in the drops.  I say this because I had already known I was "shrugging" a lot on the hoods before, and now that the angle is sharper (with the seat higher), I'm figuring I need to adjust it.  

This all ties into the second "FIT" of this post:  My overall fitness.  When I first got this bike 6 months ago, I could ride with no noticeable pain at all.  I rode for over 1,000 miles, and the worst I did was started to aggrevate a knee that had a prior injury.  After doing a little more reading, that tendinitis is something I should expect, as there is scar tissue from the Osgood Schlatters on the entry of that tendon to my shin.  Then again, that was at least 30 lbs and 1,000 miles ago.  I wear pants 2 sizes down from before.  My jersey (which was a club fit XXXL should really be a size L.  I started with 3XL pants, I'm now wearing XL bibs.  

When I have thought about weight loss, or "FIT"ness, I have always just assumed I'd be smaller, but in specific ways.  I'm realizing that the new me "FITs" into a whole host of things differently.  The journey has just started, but moments like this are definitely the roses to enjoy along the way.

Moment of Praise, well overdue.

Sitting at my desk this morning, I got an occassion to think and reflect a bit.   Since about mid-December I've been using SparkPeople.com to log my food on an on-again, off-again basis.  I also take a moment when I can to read an article or two that they present me, to read and reflect.  The one today was about consistency.  There was a line in it about not wanting to cook dinner, because of the effort put into it.  I know this feeling, it's a feeling that we've struggled with as a family for years.  By years I mean over a decade.  I get home from work, my wife is frustrated and dinner isn't started (let alone ready), and we're off to some place with a drive thru (they don't even take the time to spell "through" properly they are so fast!) where we can get a slab of grease on a bun slathered in butter and a bunch of starch sticks.  We knew we needed to eat, and we wanted to provide a level of consistency for the kids with bedtime and structure, so we gave on nutrition.

Fast forward to 2012.  We're in a new home, in a new state, and building a new state of mind.  I'm coming home later than I used to because of work as well as my new biking habit. Even through the first 3 weeks, I can remember a couple of times that we resulted in a quick trip to Belly King or something.  Even the first week of Rob's Big Losers we ended up taking the kids to Chick-Fil-A because of time constraints.  Now, what we did was not order off the "number plan" that all of these places have set up, but we created our own meals from their healthier options, and just had water to drink.  It's been almost 5 weeks since that trip, and our time eating out has drastically changed.  We go out to eat as a family about once a week, and what I find absolutely amazing is that we do not react to a bad situation with another bad situation.  My wife has taken on the challenge of creating a new meal plan and cooking new recipes every night, and working out how to incorporate better decisions even in our breakfast choices each morning.

Last night is a perfect example of the changes that have happened for us.  I went out riding last night, and it was a longish ride.  I didn't get home until after 6:30pm.  The plan was for us to make up a healthy meal using spaghetti squash with some sauce and some left over veggies from a meal over the weekend.  When I got home instead of being in the old routine of her being exhausted and upset and trying wildly to figure out what to do, concerned with the clock, she told me that dinner wasn't ready yet because she couldn't get the squash opened up.  I changed clothes (since cycling clothes really aren't comfortable to cook in), and went downstairs to help before I iced my knee.  I got the squash cut and arranged on in the pan, and got it into microwave to help speed along the cooking.  We worked out the final details of the meal, and kept moving towards getting dinner on the table.  We ended up eating very late, which in turn really impacted the girl's ability to get to bed "on time", but everything worked out.

In reviewing the past 2 months, I'm so excited to see that we are seriously building a new normal around the house.  Even when things aren't ideal we are able to keep with important details (like making sure everyone has a healthy meal) and we're slowly rebuilding how we do things.  I'm so proud of my wife and how she manages to keep things together right now, and how she's really putting forth the effort on the home front to make things not be what they were before.  When I think to what our life was like just 6 months ago versus what it is now I feel completely blessed, and I can see the changes that God has walked us through.  My RBL journey may have started in January, but without the faithfulness and obidience that we had in August of last year, I do not believe any of this would be possible.

What exactly does a temple look like?

I know that the image that is always brought up is that our bodies are a temple, and I've always struggled some with that image.  I mean, what exactly does a temple look like?  Typically they are granite or some other stone or concrete material, designed to be large and have stained glass or some other ornate fixtures around them.  They also typically have pillars inside or outside of them, and are designed to hold a host of people in a grand fashion. Even going back to the days of Moses, the temple was in a tent.  My imagery with that would be more of what we today equate to a circus-style tent (being large and made of pieces of other cloth, with a main shaft to hold the center of the tent up).  How in the world am I to make my body into a temple?

1 Jesus spoke to them again in parables, saying:  2 “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who prepared a wedding banquet for his son.  3He sent his servants to those who had been invited to the banquet to tell them to come, but they refused to come.   

⁴ “Then he sent some more servants and said, ‘Tell those who have been invited that I have prepared my dinner: My oxen and fattened cattle have been butchered, and everything is ready. Come to the wedding banquet.’

⁵ “But they paid no attention and went off—one to his field, another to his business. ⁶The rest seized his servants, mistreated them and killed them. ⁷ The king was enraged. He sent his army and destroyed those murderers and burned their city.

⁸ “Then he said to his servants, ‘The wedding banquet is ready, but those I invited did not deserve to come. ⁹ So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.’¹⁰ So the servants went out into the streets and gathered all the people they could find, the bad as well as the good, and the wedding hall was filled with guests.

¹¹ “But when the king came in to see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing wedding clothes. ¹² He asked, ‘How did you get in here without wedding clothes, friend?’ The man was speechless.¹³ “Then the king told the attendants, ‘Tie him hand and foot, and throw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

14 “For many are invited, but few are chosen.”

Matthew 22:1-14 (NIV)

One of the big changes for me with that imagery was to change the image that I'm thinking about.  Our pastor a couple of weeks ago brought up the imagery of the wedding feast, with Christ as the Bridegroom standing there welcoming the Church as his Bride.  Timing-wise, it was interesting because we had just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary, and I had found some of our wedding photos while unpacking from the move.  One of the strongest things that I remember from our wedding was how much we committed to preparing ourselves spiritually, mentally and physically for marriage.  We went to marriage counseling with our pastor, an engaged encounter weekend, and dieted so we would look our best for the wedding.  Honestly, I look at the pictures of myself from our wedding and I believe I looked about the best I have in the past 20 years during that day.  I don't believe it's just because of the dieting, but because of why I was doing those things.  I was dedicated to being prepared for the life experience that I was going through, and preparing myself for the life long journey with the woman of my dreams, the person that God had prepared to be my companion throughout life.

What it comes down to was a question for me:  If I was willing to spend SO much effort for the preparation to spend this life with the person that God has prepared for me, shouldn't I spend as much effort preparing myself for the time when I go home with Christ?  To me, the question of how to prepare myself to be traveling with God should be just as important as preparing myself for an earthly marriage, and the imagery put forth in the scripture works so well.  When I'm invited to the feast in the Kingdom of heaven, will I be wearing wedding clothes and be chosen?  I know that I am not worthy of the feast on my own merit, but by the saving grace of Christ alone.  Even with that, should I not prepare myself as much spiritually, mentally and physically  for the wedding banquet as I did for my earthly wedding?  If I do not, am I putting myself, my own pride, my beautiful bride, or my own self worth ahead of Christ in my heart?

New Year, New Blog post

It's a new year, 2012 even.  It seems that I've not taking all of the advantages I should have on the blogging I could have been doing here, especially over the past few months.  That said, 2011 was a real roller coaster ride for me with the new job, new house, the move, and the costs involved with all the changes.

I found out last week that I'm a part of "Rob's Big Losers".  This is a program sponosered by the Local YMCA branches in the Greenville area, as well as HIS Radio up here.  I have to blog for them, so I'm figuring I should blog here at least as often as I blog for the program.  This week has been extremely stressful for me as I learn about the program and what's expected of me.  Add on top of that I have to tear down survival walls that I put in place for years about my self image and my own expectations of what I can do and what I'm capable of.  I know I'm capable of SO much more that I do now fitness-wise, and I cannot wait to see how the program helps me out.  I just need to let go and enjoy the trip.

Rob Dempsey quoted this on Monday, and I've been using it as my signature on my personal email since I heard it.  It's a comfort and a reassurance:

"I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me."
Phillipeans 4:13

My goal is to blog here after every workout, whether it's a part of the Y program or one of my routine bike rides. To go over how I feel and post up my expectations and successes. That way in 12 weeks I can look back and see how far I've come.

Adversity

I'm not 100% sure if I should feel as relieved and happy as I do right now, over something as trivial as what I did this week. The "adversity" was something normally I'd just roll my eyes about, honestly. I decided instead of spending over $1,000 on a new PC system this year as a reward from a good bonus check and the new stimulus program, that I'd try to just get what I really need to push my existing system for another year or so. So I bought a new case, some additional fans and CPU heat sink, and a new hard drive. What I figured is that if I could overclock my existing A64 3000+ a fair amount, as well as re-install the OS and put it in a case I didn't loathe, that it could easily do what I wanted it for another year - namely do some media serving to my 360, and play World of Warcraft.

So I picked up a new CoolerMaster case, which I adore so far btw, a nice CPU heatsink, and a 500gig 7200RPM SATA drive. My existing copy of XP has been on this rig since 2005, and is installed on a 120g UDMA133 IDE drive. So I figured by putting a fresh copy of XP on a new drive, I'd be golden. I had a copy of XP MCE 2005 I picked up a while back, so I figured I could play around with Media Center to the 360 while I was at re-installing so after putting the new hardware together I started there. Got everything installed, and as far as I could tell, everything was running fine. Try to load up WoW, and the frame rates would drop off. Spent literally days fiddling with it, but always came back to if I launched up the copy of XP on the IDE drive, it ran fine. Tried new drivers, old drivers, drivers that I had on my IDE drive still... always came back to bad frame rates.

So last night, after reading more tips of things to play around with on the official WoW boards, I decide one last time to wipe the drivers and try using the latest and greatest from nVidia. I noticed that I may have downloaded the nForce motherboard drivers from the wrong place, as my old nForce3 is listed in their "legacy" driver section, so I get those instead. I re-download a fresh copy of the newest Forceware drivers as well. After a few bumps in the road, needless to say the Ethernet chip on the motherboard overall is a very unhappy camper in this setup anymore, I get the system back up and launching into WoW. And the frame rates are solid. They aren't perfect mind you, I get 20-40fps on average in most zones including the most notoriously lagging ones, and the UI doesn't slow down so I'm not typing and waiting to see what I type.

And so, I'm happy. Simple pleasures I guess, but it's nice to take a mountain that you know you can climb and make it to the top.

Every so often I get into feelings where I remember specific poems or songs. Today this one is just clearly in my mind...

The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Keeping promises

It's one of those things that you don't think about all that much, but when I do I personally put a large value on the keeping of promises. I attempt to not make promises that I either cannot or will not keep.

So, a couple of weekends ago I came into a conflict - I put aside money each month to re-up our Disney passes, and not time for renewal was wanning. We are supposed to be moving to South Carolina, and spending almost $1400 on Annual Passes to a theme park in Florida sounds awefully foolish. We're going to be short on money because of the current housing crisis, too. Heck, we were supposed to be up there already for all intents and purposes, but the financial aspects just haven't been where it makes sense to go.

One thing I had promised myself, and in proxy my kids, was that if we were going to start getting the passes again it wasn't going to be a 1 year deal; That is, I promised myself that as long as we lived in Florida I would do everything in my power to continue getting the passes. I set up a CD and put money away each month to cover the costs. I budgeted correctly for it, and had the money in hand.

That money could have gone towards a lot of things we need right now, but that would have been as bad as lying to the kids to their face. I knew what that money was for, and we haven't moved yet. Two showings in six months has a way of changing your mind on the risks you'll take leaving a house.

The question always comes down to - when given the tempatation to not keep your promise and do what "makes more sense" at the time, do you cave.. or do you go through with the promise even if it's not the best idea? I'm sure that in the years since that God has looked down at the earth and pondered another flood, but that rainbow is our assurance of his love for us even if "every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood."

Sometimes the best decision isn't the most sensible one, it's the one that shows true character.

Net Bloomers

One thing I was realizing this morning while I was getting ready to go to work, was how much my life has revolved, nay developed around the internet. I can remember a time when mailing letters and spending $200 on a phone bill to call home from school was normal, but I can't fathom spending that money now. For the past 15 years my life has been determined, both for good and for bad, by the growth of the Internet. I set my mom up with CompuServe so she could email my brother and I at school, and save on postage and the costs of a phone call. I used instant messaging well before there was such a thing - we used the Unix "talk" function from server to server.

Wanted to write about something, and have it where friends from all over could read about it? Create a web page! Web logs hadn't really been invented yet, but folks were doing it; they had to code it in HTML, or maybe create up a perl script-based site that they could just post updates too. No fancy web-2.0 to make it do. My first adult jobs were helping folks connect to the Internet - I had an internship at Harris and a student job at UCF that were based around TCP/IP and getting folks online.

First job out of college? I was a "telecommunications coordinator"... it was more of an IT job than a router job, but I got exposed to USRobotics dialup equipment, Cisco routers, and even more deeply into TCP/IP than I thought was possible.

I've been a web server administrator, a router jockey, and a planner. I turned up DSL when you had to order "alarm circuits" from the local phone company and not tell them what it was for. I rattled the sabers to have the "little" ISP I worked for be able to resell ADSL with one of the biggest phone companies in the US. I learned ATM, BGP, OSPF, RIP and a variety of other acronyms by necessity, I'd go do searches on AltaVista for resources and read. I didn't have the time or the money to go get my CCIE, although I wanted it. Now, while I wouldn't refuse getting it, I don't see the value in it anymore.

In a world that values "get in and get out as quickly as you can", I've been with 3 companies since I graduated from UCF in 1996. I've grown each companies brand, I've put a piece of myself into everything I've done, and I can say that I have some level of pride on what I created. Not that the networks were ever pretty, or the best, but that with nothing I've been repeatedly a part of organizations that succeed.

I know that many like to place people like me into "Generation X", but I really think that we are the "Net Bloomers"; we don't always get the glory, but we have been what the Internet grows on. We've been the early adopters, the ones that see the need for a service and create it. Once others see folks like us doing something, they create the business model for it. Much like the hobbiest that created PC's from kits in the 70's, we created services for the Internet with basic building blocks.

Maybe that's worth writing about, maybe it's just something good to keep around to read myself later on, or to have as a written document to give to my grandchildren about the "early days of the Internet generation(s)". Considering that people 50 years ago could barely hear each others voices across town, you really have to wonder what things will be like 50 years from now.

Charlie Brown...

I'm sure there will be a day when the name "Charlie Brown" doesn't automatically bring up pictures of the nation's childhood. I'm sure that when I have grandchildren, they will remember it as a strip from long ago, not something in the vernacular of the society. That said, I think that Scott Kurtz hit the nail on the head with his strip this week.

Everyone feels like Charlie Brown from time to time; The lovable boy that never got mail in his mailbox, or had their own personal Lucy pull the ball out from underneath them at the last minute. So many of these pictures I don't even have to close my eyes to see. Days like yesterday, with the Club Live garbage, definitely made me feel like the lovable looser that can't seem to get a bone to chew on, let alone make it big. Thing is, I'm not Charlie Brown, I get to kick that football every so often. I get to feel that joy. Scott did a great job by letting Cole "kick the ball" every so often, because it makes Cole more real. He gets to not just be a consummate lovable looser, but a person.

As I've grown older, franchises like Peanuts and Garfield have become less a part of my life. Mostly I feel like they are marketing cliché's; created in order to make the author money, not for the joy of the character. They became indentured servants of the creator, forced to go through their "life", being documented, never getting to have a full set of emotions or expressions, but instead to live out the same experiences and never grow. You know, a comic strip sitcom, or soap opera. These always make me feel empty, like eating cotton candy; it tastes good, but in the end you don't feel full.

Maybe I need to start writing more about when I kick the ball, instead of just random thoughts. I know that I get to more often than I realize. The focus would do me good.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

Charles Swindoll

Lighting your Soul Ablaze

During lunch the other day, a coworker of mine was talking about having to find something that "sets his soul on fire". That got me to really thinking about what I'm passionate about, and how I'm living my life.

These are deep thoughts, and things I don't typically like to be forced into thinking about. In fact, when I usually bring myself to think about these things I tend to become rather melancholy, to the point of near depression. Am I doing what really sets my soul ablaze? Is what I'm doing in my personal, spiritual, and professional life in line with what God wants for me? Where will I be in 5, 10, 20 years? Is it what I'm doing now? What I can say is that this time I seem to have a much more grounded response to these questions that typically.. maybe I'm growing up. I sure hope not!

Where this interpersonal exploration took me was to a place where I seldom really go - self acceptance. I typically spend my time looking at my life and wondering what I'm doing wrong, not what I've done right. I'm passionate about what I'm doing, and typically "flame out" easily on things because of disillusionment or lack of long-term interest. What I can tell you is that if I'm passionate about it, it consumes me. It doesn't matter if it's work, or church, or home.. if it's what's lighting my soul ablaze I will be into it 100%.

What I've come to realize is that I am doing what I love to do, which is dream a better dream. The work I do is all about how to make the network better and improve the company, and I'm pretty dang good at it. While I get upset about where we might be in 5-10 years, I get the chance to dream and research where we should be, and try to help steer our direction. That's really an incredible opportunity. I've had the chance to help build 2 different internet-based services from small online presences. When I first started working here our aggregate bandwidth for all of our customers was under 10meg. We are almost to the 2-gig mark now. Customers are thought of in tens of thousands, not just tens like when I started. It's comforting to see what we've accomplished as a company.

And maybe that's what really sets my soul ablaze. The opportunity to dream.

"Constructive" Criticism

I think I'm finally to a point in my life where I can say that I'm completely and totally fed up with the concept of "constructive criticism". What I mean is, folks trying to "better you" by noting all your flaws. People my entire life have spent hours of my time going over in minute details all the tings I don't do right. This is supposed to make me a better person, because I can focus on these things, right?

The more that I look back on it, the more I feel that what it's really doing is making the other person feel better about themself instead of helping me in the least. People who say they love you, and they care about you, should not casually wound you mentally. They claim it's "for your own good", but they wouldn't fathom actually physically harming you, so why is the psyche that much different?

I feel that for most of my life I've ended up focusing on the things that are "wrong" with myself, things I've done wrong, said wrong, thought wrong. Always wrong, always negative. I end up obsessing about it, and inflicting mental wounds onto myself and my love ones over it. I hide myself away from others over it, I don't want to open myself up for another "shot to the gut". It's self destructive, and I'm tired of it.

For those that think that pointing out someone elses flaws actually helps. It doesn't. It hurts. I think I'd rather have someone physically attack me than keep sniping at my psyche at this point.

Cause at least with a physical attack I don't start hitting myself later because you hit me first.

Jr High School

At 32 years of age, I'm realizing that all I needed to know in order to survive in the business world I learned in Junior High. Now, depending on the size of the school, the lessons are adaptive. In a smaller environment it seems that the interpersonal requirements change as you are forced to do more things and interact with the cliques you don't like on a regular basis. If you happen to be in a really big school, however, the rules definitely change some. People can hide behind reasons that don't make sense, you can not like someone just for who they hang out with or because they like Transformers instead of GI Joe. And I don't mean "I'm not going to hang out with you" type of dislike, I mean decide that the person deserves a wedgie every afternoon at 4. The level of drama seems to be exponential to the number of people in the organization.

You would think that people would have figured out well before their 30's that this type of behavior is disrupting and counter productive in a business environment where it's supposed to be "all about the customer". I guess I learn what happens when I think...

Fostering...

This was an interesting week, before it started. On Saturday we went out, and ended up signing up to foster a dog from one of the rescue organizations here in Orlando for a week. The intention was to make sure that the dog would acclimate properly to the environment and adopt, but by Sunday night we already had doubts that we were ready for the level of commitment and responsibility that it was going to entail.

The dog's name was "Dakota", and we ended up sending her back this morning to be with the shelter. She was a Shetland Sheepdog "mix", we think with a Japanese Shiba, and was an amazing animal. She had been rescued from a Georgia kill shelter, but she was young. It's amazing that a 5 month old animal would be put down, and couldn't get adopted. She was energetic and definitely adopted us as at least playmates for the little bit of time that we took care of her. For example - she didn't get taken on walks, she took you for runs. Her whole body would wag when she was excited, like when you got home...

We just didn't have the space she needed, and the kids weren't ready for the level of commitment it was going to take. They are used to a cat, and ours is the kind that you can do almost to and she doesn't go bananas to you. The kids are in many ways "spoiled" by that, and I think that Christy and I are as well. She was also a puppy, and even house-broken puppies need a lot of attention and a level of care that is "above and beyond" that an older dog needs or wants. Just to top it off, she was rescued from a kill shelter. I think given enough time, effort, commitment and love, she would have been incredible. Love alone just wouldn't have been enough.

I know that we will look at the "fostering/adopting" process again in the future, but right now I don't think I could. She's only been back at the rescue since around lunchtime, and I already miss her. I missed her before we took her back, but I also knew that it was definitely for the best that she went back. I know she'll make an amazing pet for someone, and someone will love her as much as we do and provide her the things we can. It doesn't mean that I won't miss the time that we had.