Friday, February 15, 2013

Lent Day 3 (Friday)

Exercise: Cycling ~19 miles. Nothing fancy, just up and back on the swamp rabbit. I did do a little bit of Paris Mountain, but I ran out of time and wasn't able to climb the whole thing. I enjoyed a Christmas present that Carol got me: a speaker for the bike. I was able to listen to some tunes while riding today.

Verse:
2 Corinthians 12:8-10
New International Version (NIV)
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.


Remarks:  Today was overall a good day.  Often times I feel like I'm wallowing too much in the issues I have at any given time, especially when I'm dealing with money.  I feel like I should be better, no matter what the situation is.  I forget that because I'm saved I don't have to be perfect, I need to be joyful that my yesterdays are erased and that I am loved.  It's in my weaknesses that I can find strength.

Today was a good day.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Lent Day 2 (Thursday)

Exercise for Day 2:  Cycling -23.5 miles.  Just a loop on the Swamp Rabbit.  It was colder than I expected, and while I enjoyed the ride I was cold throughout.  Nothing really special on the ride, just out on SRT to Traveler's Rest, looped around in TR and back to the car.

Verse of the Day:
John 13:34-35
New International Version (NIV)
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”


Recap:
I was pushed well out of my comfort zone today at work.  I had 2 presentations to field personnel during their monthly meetings where I talked about a new product I've been working on via web presentation.  I think they both went pretty well, but it took a lot of out me emotionally to present to a random group like that.  I've been told that you get more comfortable over time, but it's something I'm always uncomfortable with.  The question to me boils down to:  am I uncomfortable because I'm unsure of myself, or unsure of what others think of me?  I had a conversation last week about "sabotaging my success" with a friend over lunch, and there was a lot to digest with it.  I often wonder if I don't force the result that I subconsciously desire so that I can confirm the fears that dwell deep down inside of me.  There's a lot to evaluate in just that last sentence, starting with is there any truth to be had there.  I feel like there's a defense mechanism that doesn't work properly, that deep down I think is trying to save me from hurt but ends up just being the cause of a lot of pain.  

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Lent Day 1 (Ash Wednesday)

Note:  This is day 1 of the 40 days of posts I plan to do during Lent.  It's a document Lent as a time for reflection and adjustment in my own personal life.  These posts will have 3 sections:  The exercise I completed for the day, the scripture I read, and my recap of the day on that particular day.

Exercise for Day 1:  3x10 push ups; 3x10 sit ups.  The weather was improving by 5pm and I probably could have snuck out for a quick ride, but it was windy and cool.  The push ups were hard.  The last set I had to finish on my knees, although I had my arms in close to work more muscle groups on that set.

Verse of the day:
New International Version (NIV)
“The person to be cleansed must wash their clothes, shave off all their hair and bathe with water; then they will be ceremonially clean. After this they may come into the camp,but they must stay outside their tent for seven days. On the seventh day they must shave off all their hair; they must shave their head, their beard, their eyebrows and the rest of their hair. They must wash their clothes and bathe themselves with water, and they will be clean.

Recap:
Today wasn't a particularly rough day, although often times I feel like just when I think I have a handle on things is when derailments happen.  To that end I'm not sure if this happens because I expect them to (and make my own "luck") or if it's just that I know the situations well enough.  I chose the verse to post today based on the BibleGateway.com reading plan for February 13th.  I found that this section of the reading was timely for the first day of Lent, especially as I look at the next 40 days as a journey with a hope and goal of deeping my relationship with God.  

Lent - Prologue

Today is Ash Wednesday.  Usually I don't make a big deal about Ash Wednesday, or Lent.  Growing up I remember going to Ash Wednesday services, and of course the Sundays were marked throughout the Church season.  For many Lent is a time to give something up.  Catholics are renowned for having Fish on Friday during Lent.  This year, I want to try to do something different:  I want to change my routines just a little bit, and instead of doing that by giving something up I want to add a few things.

Each day in Lent I am going to try to do something fitness related.  Even if it's some push ups during the day, or walking the stairs in the office.  I want to make the time for this more than even when I was in Rob's Big Losers last year.  That means 40 workouts of some level between now and March 31.

I want to read a bible verse each day.  I'm not good about my bible time.  I go to Bible Gateway a fair amount to read a verse, and I've tried to read the Bible through the year, but it's always a struggle.  Even it's it's just the verse of the day on Bible Gateway, my goal is spend time during at least 40 days between now and March 31 with the Bible.

Each day in Lent I am going to try to post up a Blog entry.  That means at least 40 entries between now and March 31.  I don't know what the content will be going forward, but I want to post up something.  To this end there will be structure to each Blog entry:  I want to post up my fitness objective for the day and the bible verse that I read.  I will also try to tie in additional thoughts as much as I can.  

The other twist is going to be when I post.  Typically I post in the morning, unless I've had something else press on me that I need to post about.  During Rob's Big Losers I would post up after an exercise.  This time I'm going to be attempting to post up in the evening, at the end of the day.  My reasoning for this is that I should have completed my first two goals, and have time to reflect on what has transpired earlier in the day.  

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Definition of Self

Every so often I get a question asked of me by God, and it makes me have to completely stop and evaluate the situation.  This morning I was walking into the office, and a friend of mine was ahead of me.  He didn't know I was behind him, and we both were just walking into the office.  At that moment I was asked, "what (or who) defines you?"  I was already waiting for the light to change so I could cross Main St, but it definitely made me take pause.  It made me take pause enough to stop at the coffee shop at the bottom of the building that I work in to really examine the question at hand.  Knowing my own psyche as well as I do, I know the root for this, but I believe that God had more than just the surface question to be answered.

The surface question:  do you define yourself in someone else?  Do you need to be "seen" with someone to define who you are?  How do you want others to think of you?

In my life, I've been "defined" by others.  I was the youngest son of my parents.  I was the "little brother".  I've been the baseball player, the "computer guy", the "Star Wars fan".  I've been defined by my school, my work, my faith, my possessions, and my hobbies.  None of them has actually "defined" me, they have only categorized me so that people can make broad accusations about who I am.  I've never handled the labels well.  I've lashed out against them; attempted to set myself apart, even to my own detriment.  I've done things that I know looking back I was fully aware was the wrong path.  All of this in an attempt to "define me" to myself.  The then spreads out like tendrils to my relationships.  Do I keep a relationship for the wrong reasons, wanted to assume some aspect of another person by the association?  Do others keep a relationship with me because of who I associate with?  Do I have relationships that I am called to not have, because of the parasitic nature of the relationship?  

So the question comes down to this:  Who do others see when they see me?  If I really truly peel back the layers of self, and get beyond ego, I think we all crave acceptance of our true self.    The problem is that our "true self" we know is not the person that we truly wish to be.  I do not want to be defined by who I am in worldly eyes, no matter what the Enemy wishes to press on me.  I'm frail;  I'm self centered; I'm egotistical; I'm unworthy.  It's not until I'm broken and rebuilt and people see Christ in me that I am who I am meant to be.  I know it's a journey, at least for me;  each defining moment in my life reveals that without my continued total dependence on Christ I cannot remain an image that I will be okay with others accepting as me.  


1 Corinthians 13:12-13

The Message (MSG)
12 We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
13 But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

What are you aiming for?


 I receive emails from Chris Carmichael this week, and it struck a very major chord with me.  It's something I  had already experienced, and after getting through it and looking back, it's such a major reason why so many people "quit" or in my case took too long to try.
You have to continually focus on where you’re going to be and how you’re going to get there. In the early days of a new business, the start of a long education process, or the beginning of your path to an athletic goal, where you are stinks. You can barely support yourself, nobody gives you any respect, and you’re working terribly hard for what seems like very little reward. A lot of people get stuck there, because they spend too much time focused on where they are and too little on where they’re headed.
The simple fact is this - as long as you are focused on doing what you are doing now, you will not get to where you want to go.  I spent years wanting to lose weight.  I thought "if I was just 20, or 30, pounds lighter things would be so much better.  My focus was always on the weight.  The simple fact is weight does not define you, it can only limit you.  Once my focus changed from weight to activities, I saw change.  Now I look at goals, and my goals get larger.  Yeah, I like a good burger from time to time, and I like pizza.  I like standing on top of White Oak mountain, claiming victory over a grueling ride.  I like coming back tired and sore from a hard shop ride, knowing that I at least kept the group that I couldn't stay with in sight as I was getting dropped.  I like that I feel like I can go out and DO things.  The difference is that I'm not defining myself by food, but rather by the other things that need to be in my life.



This is a major change for me.  Last year at this time I was struggling with just going 7 miles without having to stop for a break.  I had to make hard decisions, and decide what was important to me.  If that means getting in miles during lunch, and having to heat up my lunch while on a conference call while not being able to  change until after the call is over.  Having to chase that last bit of daylight, and having a late dinner because I have to get to the gym.  If I'm not going to make the time to do these things, I'm not going to get stronger.  It's a hard reality.  As I face down my 38th birthday, my goals only get larger and more seemingly Ludicrous.  I mean, is it feasible for me to expect to be able to ride the Assault on Mt Mitchell in 2013?  It's 100 miles of riding and 10,000 feet of climbing.

It's just another stepping stone in my active lifestyle.  It means a lot of hard work over the next 6 months, but I look forward to standing at the highest point in the Eastern United States, victorious.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Forgiveness and Hero-worship

It's been a while since I actively updated my blog, but it hasn't been because I haven't been doing anything.  It's been a busy summer for me, and the Hincapie Gran Fondo marked the end of my active cycling time, and the start of my training for the 2013 challenges I've set before myself.  I'm hoping to get more good miles in between now and the end of the year, but we'll have to see how the weather cooperates.

The Gran Fondo was a blast, but the bigger news this month has to swirl around the controversy of drugs in Pro Cycling.  At this point there is stated evidence that 20 out of 21 podium winners of the Tour de Fance from 1999 until 2005 were doping.  This number is staggering, and tells me that it's not just "Lance made me do it" or that the "USPS team were the only ones cheating".  It means it was a culture of evil that put the wins ahead of the riders safety for the benefit of the teams (and thus the sponsors).

For those that are not heavily into cycling, there have been 2 common ways that cyclists (and most endurance atheletes for that matter) can "cheat".  The first is to use blood transfusions of their own blood to replenish their red blood cell supply and recover faster.  For stage races where you are riding for 100+ miles a day for 3 weeks, this is a huge advantage.  The problem is that this is expensive to do, requires a lot of medical equipment and a lot more people involved.  It becomes a "scheme" or a "plot" not just "cheating".

The second commonly used tactic is to take Erythropoietin, or EPO.  This naturally occurring hormone in the human body increases your red blood cell count.  It's been synthesized since 1983 to be used by doctors to help heal patients.  More red blood cells means more Oxygen for your muscles, thus you can ride longer and harder.  The danger is that it also means a higher chance of developing blood clots.

The crux of this post wasn't for me to give a history lesson in doping in cycling, or to give a medical dissertation on EPO.  Both of those are easily found on the Interwebs by people much more suited to be experts in their fields of study (or their own minds).  The main point I'm getting to is about forgiveness, and how as fans of the sport as well as followers of Christ what we are called to do.  Again, for an actual bible study on forgiveness I'd defer to someone better trained than myself, but I wanted to state my feelings on the matter.

Several folks I have talked to have stated how much they dislike the cyclists who testified against Lance, either because their careers were a lie (because of cheating) or because they "turned on Lance".  For me personally, I've forgiven them in my heart for having to go through an extremely dark part of their life and having to relive it again years later in the public spotlight.  These are not "super human beings" that are supposed to be better than us.  They are people chasing a dream to ride with the best in the world and take on challenges that I cannot even fathom.  They spend more hours a week on a saddle (or as some folks like to say an ancient torture device) than I do in my comfy desk chair each week.  Just to earn a paycheck they have to keep healthy, injury and sickness free, and produce on a bicycle.  It's a level of stress that I cannot even start to imagine.  I ride to escape and enjoy God's splendor.  It calms my mind.

Some of these folks had a choice of walking away and being "disgraced", or facing what was happening int he sport.  They have been brave enough to come out, even if it took a major investigation.  When we are faced with our own demons, we tend to lie and avoid them.  This isn't something we have to be taught to do, as any parent of a toddler rightly knows.  These gentlemen, who had never been officially caught using drugs, had to summon up the courage to admit to what they were doing, and tell a federal Anti-Doping Agency what they had done.  There was, and is, a good chance that their careers could be over.  I still feel that Lance is stuck in a place where he cannot face those demons because of the web that has been spun around him.  The USADA gave anmesty to the folks that testified, giving them what amounts to slaps on the wrist for what they did.  To my knowledge, being an armchair investigator, Lance has no amnesty from the US Justice Department and the potential Perjury charges that he could be facing if he came clean.  When facing physical jailtime versus holding the line hoping it'll just go away, I can understand why he is still holding the line.  I think it's a natural human defense.

That said, Fat Cyclist probably summed it up well in his blog in regards to the Levi effect.  I will take it a bit further and say that for the folks staying in cycling, and trying to make things better, even after having to admit to doping, they come away as stronger individuals.  I don't need for them to personally apologize to anyone but to God, nor do any penance for what they've done.  It is obviously a very black part of the history of cycling, where the technology of cycling outstripped our ability to handle morality.  They were chasing a dream, and made a wrong turn.  They don't need our scorn and rejection, for more than likely they have been and will be facing their own inner demons for years to come.  They need our support and love, like any recovering individual.   Hopefully they have come to remember the joy of cycling without the drugs, and can continue to chase their dreams.